Tonight with your arm around my shoulder, my arm around your waist.

Can't we please forget who we are for one night and just go with this connection we have that allows us to be more than friends, less than friends? Because we are each other's escape plan. "Man Lauren, I'd be so lost without you. I'm really lucky to have you. Seriously." And I'm lucky to have you. So this is turning into one of those, is it? You know what, it's not though. We're both looking for the same things in opposite directions. Maybe all we are is the result of emotional and psychological solidarity. But maybe, just maybe, we can lie to ourselves for one moment and pretend like we can actually heal each other. Maybe we can. Maybe we can't. But at least neither of us will be in it alone.

I die of loneliness and yet amm too afraid to take the steps towards ridding myself of it.

I hate that I'm never enough and the clock ticks by solely to spite me.

--Lauren

[what was ... what will be]