Please god I'm just trying to reach out from under 6 feet of soil

I cannot express to you how much of my life is documented in these non-tangible pages

when poetry leaked out of our lives past our tongues onto little squares with letters printed on them

and it was enough

...it was more than enough

it was human romances through tangled bianary code
it was not the internet
it was our personal magnifying glass and x-ray
all in one

don't you miss being a specimen

this past semester
my first semester of college
I am a Psych major
and I learned in class that as you grow older
your emotions mellow out
and I thought I'd look forward to that

but I already feel too old

the only thing that smells of youth is
my naiveity
thinking that I'm come back to what I left last winter
but it's so much lonlier this time around because there's not even hearts around you
that are breaking
it is the empty church pues that Mr. Lacey talked about
(he still narrates my winters, at least I still have that)

I come back here and I feel like
the empty beds were not even made
we all just left at different times
our clocks' batteries all stopped beating on the dot

I am scared that nobody loves each other anymore

it has only been a week
but it feels like staring at the city
for hours

everything used to be so passionate

and now we are just old and tired and it makes me even weaker

--Lauren

[what was ... what will be]